Existential Question

What do you do when you and another person--a person you love--have a difference of opinion (to put it mildly) and he/she won't admit his/her faults that cause the difference even when you're willing to admit yours? Constraints: you can't break off the relationship because you've made a commitment either to yourself, a Higher Power or both.

How do you combat pride in a constructive manner?

Comments

[Account Deleted]

Sometimes you (or whoever) just have to let the wound bleed, and give it time to heal. Give the subject a wide berth and reinforce the relationship in other areas that don't hurt right now.

If the love is mutual, your example will eventually make the difference.

[Tully]

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

You cannot hope to change others when they do not want to change. You can only hope to change yourself.

[Maggie45]

I suggest going to Al-Anon. The only requirement for membership is to have a family member or friend who is alcoholic. And that qualifies almost anyone. If one finds a good group, it's like sanctuary. It has helped me with this very question that you ask. I went because of one person, and ended up staying because it helps me with myself.

[Bane]

Darn. And here I was just going to suggest excessive drinking.

[baldilocks]

The person in question barely drinks but is excessively aged.

[negronova]

Avoid what causes the divide and move on.

[baldilocks]

Ed, I pray that I can do that. BTW, glad to see your contrarian self. ;-)

[Maggie45]

Hi again. I'm sorry, I realize that I wasn't clear in what I meant. I originally went to Al-Anon because of an alcoholic husband. We eventually got divorced...his choice..., but I've been going on and off for 20 years now because it helps me in ALL of my relationships. It teaches me HOW to "avoid the divide" as Ed puts it. I tend to forget. (smile)

[negronova]

:-)

[baldilocks]

More about avoidance, Ed (and everyone else):

The person is a parental unit; not my biological parents or my (American) dad nor a grandparent, but a elder relative for whom I have taken responsibility.

Unfortunately, the thing I need to avoid is talking honestly; that is, showing my true self. I hate to avoid this, since, in my mind, that is the method of showing love.

[coogzilla]

Throw pride out the window. It
just gets in the way with people
you really care about.A lot of
people wear their ego on their
shirtsleeve where it's easily
damaged. Put it away. Lead by
example. Sometimes the parent
becomes the child. God Bless,Keith

[baldilocks]

Keith,

You're saying what the Spirit is saying.

[negronova]

Throw pride out the window. It
just gets in the way with people
you really care about.

It destroys families from the core. It's not worth it, especially with elders. I just suck it up. It's not worth it.

Thinking about it, I've even sucked it up with my peer relatives over serious things.

[baldilocks]

I'll listen to those who I wiser than am I.

Pride: it's the worst of sins and the progenitor of all of the others. As is true of all of us, I am certainly not immune to it.

Thank you, friends.

[markie13]

Hi,

I'm sorry, I know that I've got no credibility here, but I can't help but draw parallels between what you have written and my own experiences with someone I love deeply.

First, Psalm 51:17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. This, I think, applies to you, not the other person. I say this because you CAN'T apply it to the other person.

Second, there have been many things that I no longer even talk with this person about (after first attempting some communcation). When our conversation reaches the level you have described above, I pray about it - all the time. I won't say that all of our problems have been resolved (as if!), but there have been many times when they will, seeming out of the blue, apologize, be conciliatory, be contrite, etc.